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Warm on my Face

December 16, 2018

 

There are some mornings that I wake up feeling low. I have no idea why, I just do.

It's a funk for lack of a better word. A clinging anxiety, depression or other feeling that is just there when I open my eyes. 

I always wonder where in the hell did this come from? Everything was fine when I closed my eyes.

 

Maybe during the night we are swimming in a vast pool of unconsciousness. Some of the time, staying at the surface; other times diving deep into the cool, blue depth below. And as we gradually swim back towards the surface, back towards consciousness, kicking and paddling upwards towards the light, most of the experiences fall behind us in the depths of our unconscious mind. Waiting there until sleep allows our minds to have open season again on a library of history, emotions and experiences. Here there is no law in ruling your unconscious mind, no marshal with a badge to separate ego and id. Here in the deep of our sleep anything can be formulated into a dream...anything. 

 

Its like the gas they give you when you have some types of outpatient surgery. You think you are unconscious, but your are not. You're awake, taking direction from the doctor as they perform the procedure. Only the switch of memory is turned off. So, yes, you probably feel pain or discomfort, but its gone when you awaken from a peaceful sleep of erasure. 

 

But some days I awaken to a latent feeling. Something left from the night before. Just an outline to a sketch with the color erased, but enough to give me a lingering feeling. "Doc, could you give me a little more gas so these sad dreams and experiences don't come back to the surface please?" 

 

If I awaken in the middle of the night when it is pitch black outside, it feels so fresh and I can remember details of what happened so clearly. I comment to myself "have to remember this one for the morning" and then when I open my eyes a few hours later it is gone, washed away like my footprints on an ocean beach. 

 

For me at least, that lingering feeling feeds off of darkness. And when it is a gloomy, gray winter morning, that latent feeling of what happened during my mind's playground activity can cause me to feel very blue. 

 

The solution is light. Sunlight.

 

Economists will say the reason the sunbelt is growing in population is because of economic opportunities and growth. But, lets face it, if it were dark, cold and overcast most of the time, I doubt the growth would be as substantial. 

 

And for me, on one of those funky mornings when I wake up feeling like I'm carrying a bag of smelly bricks on my back, if I look to the east and see orange, even the slightest color of the sun, I can hear the bricks falling to the ground behind me. I can feel that weight lifting. I guess that is why watching the sunrise on the beach is so popular. No obstructions, just the sounds of the waves and that orange orb appearing above the line of infinity; refreshing our minds with good thoughts; painting over the blurry sketches from the night before with the colors of warmth and love. 

 

And as it rises you realize that this euphoria isn't just confined to your soul. The birds go from quiet to loud chirping, singing a variety of tunes and like the entrance of the queen, blow their trumpets to welcome her. She smiles back at them and takes her place on the throne. 

The clouds begin to dance, waltzing together, moving faster as the air currents heat and rise upward from the ground below. 

 

The warmth on my face is more than just heat on my skin. For me at least, that warmth brings back thousands and thousands of memories, some conscious and some unconscious. Of lying on a beach with friends, running in a field so green with grass, sitting by a roaring fire and laughing with family, looking up at the endearing eyes of my mother as she pulls a blanket over my chest on a cold, winters night. 

The sun warms my face and the memories warm my soul. 

 

The sun is rising, I have to go. Good Morning all! 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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